Over the shoulder Boulder Holder

Ironically I learned this phrase in Middle school, and one of my class mates had to explain it to me when a fellow class mate said it, except I think he was teasing a girl and called hers an over the shoulder pebble holder--I wish that was what I was able to wear.

Actually the last time I seriously went shopping for a bra to my suprise the sales associate walked into the back and returned with what appeared to be a sling for twins--you know what I am talking about, those things women wear these days that look like just a fat strip of fabric that they wrap around them and can hold their baby with--except this looked like the slings they had about 12 yrs ago that had a specific spot for the baby to sit, except the thing the sales associate brought to me looked like it could hold 2 infants in it, one in each cup.

Both my husband and I started to chuckle as she walked out as he pointed out he would hate to have to wear that, I started to look around to see just who she was bringing it to and when she stopped infront of me, I told her she must be mistaken--when she remeasured me and then rechecked it's size confirming that the double baby sling was infact the size of bra I needed I gasped in horror.

I love to hear how everyone talks about big boobs being every womens dream, and as a flight attendant I would hear all the other flight attendants talking about how much they paid for their boobs--I tell you, if I could sell mine I definately would, it is my dream to be able to stand straight up and look down and actually see my feet, I wish I could say my tummy was what was getting in the way, unfortunately I can't see the belly because it is below the boobs and they stick out further than both (that is when they are confined to my over the shoulder mountain holders, cause heaven knows they sag down to my belly if not) and I wear a size 9 1/2 shoe, so we all know it isn't because my feet are small.

Anyhow, back to Victoria Secrets, so she confirms it is infact the size I wear, and I suck up my pride and go into the dressing room to try on what in my opinion puts a lunch lady bra to shame, after trying it on I quickly take it off, get re-dressed, and quickly exit the dressing room handing it back to the sales associate and informing my husband we have to go--that night I bought 3 sports bras and started saving for a breast reduction, unless of course I could find some one willing to buy my boobs from me, we all know I could use the money and it isn't like I will miss them (my husband might, but he also confessed that night that bra woudl have been a major turn off because all he could think about when he saw i was lunch ladies)

I think that was also the night I came out of the dressing room after trying on another bra and my son asked me to get closer before he cupped both my boobs and informed me that it was good--who knows where he got this from, but he hasn't been allowed to go bra shopping with me since, not that I have been since then, but one day I will eventually have to buy a new one--staples and duct tape can only hold a bra together for so long.